My cousin is really in love with Alvin pero di ko gusto ang ginagawa nya ngayon. Nagpapanggap ang cousin ko na ako. How did she did that I didn't know pero parang isineset up nya ako kay Alvin for an eyeball. Nababasa ko sa text nya kay Alvin and nababasa ko sa blog nya yung mga pinaggagagawa nya. I really dont know what's happening to my cousin and what is driving her to do that.

Siguro dahil gusto nya ako maging maligaya and para makilala ko at maging kaibigan ko rin si Alvin pero tingin ko mali yung ginagawa nya. Cousin sorry pero I think mali yang ginagawa mo. Ok lang nama sakin kung di ko makikilala si Alvin eh. Basta ang gusto ko lang ay lumigaya ka sa taong mahal mo. Please huwag mo na akong intindihin kaya ko naman sarili ko and kaya ko maghintay alam ko naman na di kami para sa isa't isa ni Alvin.

Bakit mo ba kailangan gawin ito? Bakit mo ginagawa ang mga ganitong bagay na alam ko makakapagdulot ng sakit sayo? Rica don't do this I don't want you to get hurt again. If you are doing this to make me happy please stop this nonsense. Ok lang ako cousin don't be like this, ayokong nahihirapan ka. Alam ko gustung-gusto mo si Alvin pero para lang mapaligaya mo ko di mo kailangan magsacrifice ng kahit ano.

Please Rica stop na. Tama na.......

 

Alam nyo Im really thankful to my cousin sometimes she records his voice for me and even read me some of the qoutes that came from him. Kahit sa fantasy na lang kunwari ako yung kausap nya, ako yung ginigitarahan nya at ako yung kinakantahan nya. Ang bait bait talaga ng cousin ko, I don't know how to thanks her talaga. Pero alam mo sa tingin ko na iinlove na rin cousin ko sa kanya kasi sa mga conversation nila parang ang saya saya ng cousin ko kahit may problem sya kay Mike. Tingin ko nawawala problem nya dahil kay Alvin I have read her blog nga eh I saw there mga entries for Alvin thanking him ng maraming beses dahil he help my cousin para makalimot.

Masaya na rin ako kahit papano if ever man di sakin mapunta si Alvin at least yung cousin ko magiging sila diba? Medyo masakit pero para lang sa cousin ko ok lang naman maghihintay na lang ako ng ibang tao malay mo di naman pala si Alvin para sakin.

I really appreciate what my cousin is doing. She really knows how to make me smile by letting me hear the voice of Alvin. Kahit hindi ako kausap nya through her parang ako na rin yung nakikipagkwentuhan sa kanya. She tells me a lot about Alvin para na ring kilalang kilala ko sya kahit di pa kami naguusap or nagtetext.

Horoscope:

"The very first step to getting what (or whom) you've been wanting is to express it. Saying it out loud makes it real and lets the universe know that you've got some expectations it can help fill. Now may be the right time to get rewarded for all those karma points you've earned, so feel positive about asking. Remember that you deserve the happiness that you see other people having right now. Discuss your strategies and obstacles with a close friend who has been through it all."

Me and my cousin Rica met someone in the net. He is so cute kaya nagustuhan ko sya kahit sa pictures lang nya. My cousin entertains him para kilalanin mabuti. Para kilatisin ba mga ganung tipo. Nahihiya kasi ako itext sya on my own risk baka di nya ako pansinin. Ayun buti na lang naisipan ng cousin ko na entertain sya kahit papano there will be a chance of knowing him someday.

Now Im going to say it.... I love Alvin very much and I care for him a lot, I don't know how it happen I just saw him in friendster but everything happen in a very short notice. It is fine if he dont love me in return. I dont care I just wanted him to know how much he really means to me. I know I must use my horoscope as a guide but this time I should follow what my heart told me. Everybeat of my heart told me that it was Alvin whom I loved and it was him who I needed.

Very unsual pero totoo I think I loved him even if I haven't met him, he is so cute and very charning I think.

I have decided to post another entry for my blog for no reason at all. To start I am so damn busy with my project namely our very famous subject Applied Project (CSPROJ2). We only got 74 hours to finish everything. I have an internet connection in my laptop so I decided to check out friendster. I check my list and decided to read on the testimonials of someone. I know for a fact that I can live without that person but the feeling still remains and that it kills me whenever I remember it. I feel kinda stupid, I blame myself for reading that friendster of someone. I really ask myself right now "Why did I bother to do that?" I have tons of things to do yet I find myself a chance to read that thing that causes me now to be depress should I say anxious.

Why did I bother to loved someone who will not leave me in return. Why would I bother to ask for more when all that the person could give me is friendship nothing more nothing less. Why am I sad reading those testimonials for that person? Why is that person still have a part of my heart when I knew from the fact that I dont loved that person anymore. Ain't I? Why do I still continue to loved that person aside from the that I can not get what I need from that person? Why do I bother doing stupid stuff like this? Writing on my blog in order for me to let my feelings out. I really wish this works out. I want to remove this emptiness inside of me. I wanted to be fair, open for the fact that I cant have all the things I want.

Why can't I learn to let go of the things which is not mine?

Am I that selfish?

Or I just really loved that person so much?

Wonder why this is my title because it is what they think of me. Yun lang naman ang dating sa akin nung mga narinig ko from Ate Analiza (Thanks to her!). I will make the story short, it all started nung vacation namin tinukso nila ako sa isa naming kasama hanggang sa nagkaroon nga ako ng crush sa kanila as what they all know na imposibleng mangyari kasi iba ang reference ko. Medyo marami-rami na rin nakaalam so nangyari yung di ko akalaing mangyayari. Someone texted that person (English pa) telling "Melai" (ok lets name the person) these words translated in tagalog by Ate Analiza "Kilala mo ba si Augs? Musta?" Tapos nagtext uli yung someone na yun "Kung liligawan ka ni Augs may pag-asa ba sya?" may kasunod pa "Mabait yun di ka lolokohin" (I think thats how it was said). Alam mo sinabi nila "Lalaki pala si augs". Shit that hurts, No! that really really really hurt so much. Biglang pumasok sa isip ko na parang nagtatake-advantage ako sa kanya. Imagine that parang dun pa lang sa linyang yun sinasabihan nya na ko na "Mapagsamatala akong tao" (Sorry ganun interpretation ko) Not being defensive pero kahit kailan di ako nagsamantala ni isang beses kahit kanino I use my resources in a good way. Kahit na sabihin mong may pinanghahawakan akong alas sa isang tao di ko yun gagamitin just to get what I want.

Promise! nakakagago talaga. Ito pa ha! Kaya pala di nya ako pinapansin kahapon because of that text. Pucha naman! nakapaimmature mo parang crush lang. For your information wala ako balak ligawan sya and I dont have plans of falling in love with her. Saddest part is she did not even dare to consult me with that matter pede nya naman ako itext.

Too late sarado na isip ko ngayon and for now I dont think na mapapatawad ko pa sya. Tulad nga ng sabi ni Kai "Bastard!". Immature and good-for-nothing person. I hate her, I really really hate her so much. he problem is baka di ako makapagtimpi kapag kinausap nila ako at kung anu-anong bagay lumabas sa bibig ko. Bahala sila sa buhay nila I invested feelings for our friendship but now its over.

That is what I feel right now I just dont know how to deal with it, I can still remember the unknown private message sent to me in my friendster that makes me feel worthless. Makes me feel walang kwenta and makes me feel that I am a salot. I am fully aware that all of my friends accept me as what I am but I cant get it off in my mind that I look bad to other people. It makes me feel that being like this is bad. Ayokong may nasasaktan akong tao di ko talaga sinasadya and I really don’t know how I offend him or her. My friend told me not to care about it but I still cant because I know iisang mundo ginagalawan namin. I lived with them in this world so I have to deal with them. Plus the fact that I really dont know what I did to whoever that person was.

Tapos yung taong gusto ko na kalimutan ngayon pa nagparamdam (Nagtext sya sakin ngayon) kung kailan buo na sa isip ko na dapat ko na kalimutan kung ano nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Halu-halo na talaga, ang gulu-gulo na.

Gusto ko na mawala, maglaho ng walang naiiwang kahit isang bakas na nabuhay ako. Nalilito pa rin ako hanggang ngayon mali ba na ito ang pinili ko for me at kasalanan ban a maing ganito ako. A while ago nakausap ko sila fudge, mj and bribs about me. I know they just want what is best for me pero ayoko pa sa ngayon magdecide di pa ako readyand naprepressure ako kasi parang minamadali nila ako pero Im not sayin na mali ang ginagawa nila for me.Ayoko lang is yung minamadali nila ako ng husto. I dont want to do anything na mapipilitan lang akong gawin kasi sinabi sakin na gawin ko ito kasi ito yun tama kasi ito ang tanggap ng mga tao.

Kasalanan ba maging ganito ako? Wala naman akong ginagawang masama and so far wala akong tinatapakang tao. I have chosen this kasi dito ako maligaya, Malaya kong naipapahayag ang sarili ko. Sabi ni bribs my choice is an act of being selfish which was agreed upon by mj. Lahat ng tao hinahangad what is good for them, Masama bang maghangad ako ng isang bagay na ikaliligaya ko rin?

I dont know how to start this one plus the fact that Im not quite inspired to write anything about me. To make the long story short gusto ko na kalimutan sya. Ayoko na talaga and masyado na magulo ang story ko halos wala na rin patutunguhan kung pagpapatuloy ko pa ito. Tama yung friend ko its not like me kung patuloy kong lulunurin ang sarili ko sa lungkot. I remember masayahin pala akong tao sa harap ng iba pero not when Im all alone. Lahat ng past relationships ko didnt work out siguro I will just wait for the right time for me to have a relationship kasi mahaba pa naman ang buhay ko siguro I would just have to enjoy myself and make my life more happy.

I hope God will show me where to start because I already know when to start this. Tama nga naman di ko dapat ipaglaban yung pagmamahal na di dapat mapasaakin. Bahala na kung ano mangyari but still Im not closing my doors for love. Maghihintay na lang ako kaysa hanapin ko kasi paghinanap ko mali nakikita ko.

Siguro darating din sya kung sino man sya.

I really feel different this day I really feel restless and hesitant because I miss bsplit that much. I cant talk to my bsplit anymore. I just dont have time or if ever I have my bsplit is not there when I call up.

I miss bsplit badly. I need bsplit badly even if its wrong to think like this I just can't help myself but to love bsplit even more. Each day past makes me miss bsplit more and each day past makes me mad, mad because I love my bsplit even more. I dont know what to do I just cant get bsplit off my head. Whatever I do my bsplit is in my mind. I juct can't help myself.

I think Im really miserable. If this is sickness I need a cure. If this is madness I need a psychological help. How and what am I going to do to forget bsplit? When will I start doing it?

Can I do it?

My God! My dad is really coming back and my mom told me his going to take a vacation for just a short time. Im just thinking what will happen to us after 3 months or after whatsoever. One thing I need is to finish my studies and graduate in college. I really want to graduate. Last night I told my friends what is going to happen to me and what happen to my dad. I told them my plans of not continuing college and going to study and work out of the country. One of my friends told me that he can help me with the problem. OMG! I really love them for helping me and that they do care a lot for me.

Thats not all! hahaha I was not suppose to overnight but then I decided to go so that I could hang out with them for a bit. Its been a night of horror and suspense for me. Hiding in every corner of the school and you know what they did they hide me and never leave me until the coast is clear. Hahaha I really enjoy that night although a little bit scared of violating some rules. One thing that I prove myself, they will never leave me and stay with me. Im really touch hahaha..

My dad was about to come back here in Philippines because something bad had happened to him in Nigeria. His 3 cellphones were stolen and some of his money as well. (It was stolen by someone, I think a neighbor near his house) Because of this he planned of resigning his job and returning here on Oct. 17, 2005. My mom is really worried about my dad and that she thinks of so many things like adjusting our budget then suddenly asking me to save my money for my own needs. She even ask me how many years am I still going to study. I told her I still have 1 year left to stay in that school. Then it came into a point for me to think of what might happen when my dad stop working. My mom ask my tita in Australia if my sister can work there. I also voluntered in working and not finishing my studies. I told my mom that I can also go to Australia work there and study at the same time but I must first finish my CSPROJ and SYSADD2 for my group that means I only have one term in staying here in this school. That thought resides my head for quite a long time I even told my friend about it.

Good thing my dad's manager wont let my dad resign and they still needs my dad so badly. Thats why the company immediately bought a phone for my dad and transfer him to another location. Thats why my dad will not return next week and that he will still work. That was really close I really thought that I was not going to finish college here and that we are going to have a very miserable life. (Not being morbid). I dont really want to think that it will happen to us. So now, Im still staying here for good but still I have to prepare because we will never know what tomorrow will bring.